Wincobank Hall Sheffield

August 16^th/61

My dear Friend, Here I am again at my old home for a few days. Our beloved friend Mrs Rawson who returned from Italy alone some weeks ago kindly invited me to come and to see her. You have no doubt received my letter written in May in which I announced to you the death of dear Lizzie. Oh! it is dreadful to see how sorrow has changed dear Mrs Rawson! She goes about like a shadow And yet, she does not forget the sorrows of others. She is always the same unselfish and sympathizing friends. You may easily imagine how I feel here. Everything is so changed

I am like one dreaming. It is impossible to realize the present state of things. The past alone seems real. I wander from room to room seeing every where the precious most beloved ones whom I learned to know here. And who now are some in the Eternal Home—others so far away that I hardly dare hope I shall see their faces again in this world!
Oh! My dear friend the human heart must be strong not to sink under the weight of cares and sorrows which it is called to bear! I feel constrained to write to you very dear friend from this place where everything reminds me of those happy long passed yet ever dearly remembered hours

which we spent under this roof. Dearest Mrs Rawson often speaks of you and desires to be most kindly remembered to you. She will live here with her Mother and Sisters. They have given up having pupils. And they hope that with great economy they will be able to manage to keep the place open. I am glad their dear old house is not to be occupied by strangers though it is not probable. I shall often be able to visit Wincobank. I seem destined to be a wanderer at the face of the Earth. Our School at Cheltenham does not prosper and we now see that it would be a losing concern for two of us.

If I had more authority given me. I feel certain that I could make it answer - but I have not a shadow of power The Lady who made me such fine promises - does not fulfil them - She wanted me to use me just as a tool to increase her income. And when she found that I could not submit to become a mere machine in her hands she began oppressing me. And now She is a thorough despot - I assure you. I have not even sufficient food! And she will not allow the children - who all love me - to express their affection for me. When she sees them cling to me as children will do to those who love them. she snatches them away in anger from me!

Under these circumstances I am almost glad that we have not a sufficient number of pupils to make it worth while carrying on the school. The whole thing is thus taken out of my hands. And I can do nothing more than call myself upon God my Father and my guide for the future. I shall stay at Cheltenham till Christmas. And then I trust some other home will be opened to receive me.

I have written to the dear Cheevers to tell them my present circumstances. They were desirous to know them. Oh! that I could go over to America! But I scarcely think it will be possible to obtain such a situation as I should wish to get in these miserable times. When the country is on the brink of ruin. And who would trust their children

to one who would teach them by precept and example - to love - honor and respect the race so cruelly oppressed and despised by them! Yet I know that with God All things are possible. And that the Almighty Being who has so deeply implanted in my soul the love, the deep yearning. Earnest love for his injured children that he may with a breath sweep away all obstacles now in the way and send me in their midst to do them all the good which my heart longs to do them.

I think I told you that I might have gone to Western Africa had I not already been engaged to go to Cheltenham last Winter. Since I came here I applied again for the situation. Unfortunately it had been

filled some months since by an English Lady. And there is not another vacant just now. Dear Mrs Rawson cannot bear the thought of my going to Africa. She would have no objection to America. And thinks I might be useful there by & bye, but not now. She does not know how joyfully I would give my poor life for your people- dear friend-for your cause. It is only God who knows how willing would be the sacrifice for He only sees and comprehends the depth of my love for your poor dear patient forgiving race. Sometimes I think it would be too great a joy- too precious a privilege thus to be used for you. I never have hitherto obtained what my heart has most deserved. Yet I will not

I cannot give up the cherished hope of someday being allowed to do something real for you. Something that shall make me more worthy of being called the friend of one so highly esteemed so loved and revered by me.

I had a week ago a most interesting letter from dear Rosa giving me an account of what she is doing. God bless her dear girl and her efforts. I have just written to her. I hope my letter will reach her. It seems that the last which I sent her to Philadelphia has not been forwarded to her. Thank you my dear kind friend for your last letter to me. I do feel most grateful to you for such life. Were it only a few words now & then I would be most thankful for them.

you will see—and M^rs Douglass will see how much household work I can do. And how happy I should be to help you both in every possible way. Thank you again my dear kind friend for your truly friendly invitation. Of course I see clearly that I never could go to America without having first secured a situation there. It would be impossible and I must patiently wait for Gods guidance. From a situation in some wealthy family I could then more safely find out a way of devoting myself afterwards to the education of the colored people. This would be my aim in coming over to America. Will you pray for me, my dear friend, that this may someday be my privilege May God bless you and preserve you from all harm and danger May He hasten the day we are waiting for.

Yours for ever most affectionately & devotedly

Rosine Amé-Draz

Dear friend. I send you five pounds for your own private life. Do not think that I am depriving myself or any body else of one single thing by sending you this small sum. I have employed my leisure moments during the Summer in drawing water color sketches which people seem to like very much and I have sold several. A kind old Lady my neighbor in Cheltenham who is very much interested in you since she read your Bondage & Freedom gave me One sovereign for a very small drawing which had only taken me a few hours doing- and she had also subscribed to the monthly

Dear Friend I feel sure you will not reprove me for sending this. When I tell you that my only pleasure this year has been to endeavor to get this little sum for you by my own labor.

Will you get something which will be a comfort to you as you labor
for the slaves. Do not write me a letter. I would not take even one hour of your time (highly prized as are your letters by me) from the slave- at this their hour of need. But do write me just
a few lines at once if possible that I may be sure you have had the money.

May God now and ever-abundantly bless you.

Ever yours

Rosine Amé-Draz

I return to Cheltenham in a few days