[Rosine Amé Draz] to Frederick Douglass, November 22, 1865
Fenstanton.—Nr. St. Ives
Hunts
Nov 22d / 65
My very dear Friend
It is nearly seven months since I last had the pleasure of hearing from you. They have appeared very long months to me.—But I never attribute your silence to forgetfulness of your Swiss friend and sister. I never could doubt the valued friendship which has made me so happy for years. Its loss would indeed make my life a blank! Oh—if dear Rosetta would only write to me once in three months how grateful should I be to her—for I cannot help being quite unhappy when such a long times elapsed without
Knowing how you are—Where you are—And what you are doing. I hope she has received all my letters sent during the past summer.
I wrote to you dear friend from Wincobank in July Dear Mrs Rawson also enclosed a note in side for you—You were often the subject of our conversations you would hardly recognize our faithful kind friend could you see her now. She has passed through the crucible of deep affliction and notwithstanding the efforts she has made to forget herself and to live to alleviate the sorrows of others—her bodily and I fear her mental strength too is giving way. Even to write to me she says is painful now and her precious letters are becoming more and
more scarce those I do get generally betray her grief by traces of tears here & there A few weeks ago, her most beloved sister (not Miss Emily) died after a very short and most painful illness. This dear Lady you did not see. She was not at Wincobank when you were there. During the last year she has thus lost four near and dear relatives! Now she is quite alone with Miss Emily in that large house! What a contrast to what it was when we, dear friend, were there together six years ago! How sad is life! I wish I could look more on the bright side of it, as you so often encouraged me to do. But, after I try to find it out without succeeding If I do not actually suffer myself—those I love do and it is just the same
as if I did—I have felt during the last week as if I must die of grief, when hearing of the atrocious revenge taken by the wicked English Authorities on the poor - poor oppressed Jamaican negroes—What a disgrace to the English name! —And it is said that three fourths of the Press approve of the Governess conduct! Of course the Times at the head of all others. But I am happy to say that the Daily News, the Star, Leeds' Mercury & other popular papers are most loud in their denunciations of the murders of the poor colored Jamaicans—and ask for the punishment of the Murderers.
And if a Sweet niece, have quite crushed her poor heart—This house seems almost uninhabited to strangers but to me it is so full of happy recollections and associations that I never could feel alone in it. It is the dearest spot on Earth.
Dear Friend I wonder if we shall ever meet here again? I dare not hope for so much happiness in this world, but oh—what a precious hope is that of meeting in another and better world. Where there shall be no more separation between kindred souls! Fated as I am to live alone apart from all that I most dearly love. I should be miserable indeed without this sweet hope.
This and the privilege of praying for My Friend renders life supportable when it would often be a burden. Whenever I feel discouraged, I think myself unworthy of your friendship yet I must confess that sometimes my courage does fail. I feel as it were nailed down to a destiny which should not be mine. I long to be more useful—to do more for the good of my fellow creatures, especially do I earnestly desire to do something for your people—but I am shut up as in an iron cage—a Slave to destiny, Liberty seems but a name for me. Whenever I express my longing desire to escape out of this condition and to fly into that sphere of labor for which my soul ardently thirsts, I am called an enthusiast and told that I am just where I ought to be no one understands me fully. I think that you, my beloved brother, can enter into my feelings better than all others in the world. Yet you will not allow me the consolation the only real way I still might have of helping you in your labors for your people. I think you were angry with me, when you wrote you last letter because I sent you the small sum Mr. Coote gave for you. Forgive me dear dear friend if I am wrong. I cannot endure the thought that you are displeased with me. Will you not allow your sister to help you as long as she can?—
Do you know that I have gained five pounds more this summer with my sketches. These I do in my leisure moments I dare not send it to you now for fear you will scold me, but it is intended for you for I worked for you. Do say that you will accept it either for yourself or for dear Rosetta's darling child. Do not deprive me of the happiness of helping you in this manner. I know how you have sacrificed everything in this world for your people. If I were rich Oh—how happy it would make me to save you from all all cares & anxieties. You need not fear for me. I shall never want. I do follow your advice and save a little now
I have not had a line from dear Rosetta for many months past. Why does she not Write to her friend?—I want to hear all about her Babe, her husband, her brothers. Mrs. Rawson tells me. She has heard that one of your sons is engaged to be married to a white Lady in the South. If this is true, May every blessing rest upon them! Do beg Rosa to write soon if you have not time. I should be so grateful to her for even few lines. I do not ask for letters but for two or three lines to tell me that you are well. It would not take up much time, and yet it would bring great consolation to one who is ever thinking of you all.
I shall return to Fenstanton, Huntingdonshire—in about a fortnight to resume my work there with my pupils—and among the poor villagers. How long I shall be there is known to God alone. Oh—that I could devote my time and talents to those dear newly emancipated children across the ocean!
Mr. Coate said it was a pity you did not keep that money for yourself. I was sure he would have
wasted it.
Dear friend God bless you. Do not forget that you have a constant affectionate devoted friend and sister who never ceases to think of you
and to pray for you.
Remember me to Mrs Douglass and to dear Rosa & all yours.
Yours ever devotedly
Rosine A. Draz
[written on the first page perpendicular to the text] Farewell my very dear Friend Gods blessing be with you Your ever faithfully attached and devoted friend and sister
Rosine Amé-Draz